My parents are both Buddhists, my mother was raised Catholic and my father was raised Jewish, and they got married in a Unitarian Universalist church. I was raised in a Unitarian Universalist church no matter where we lived. Haha, it's all very confusing. But I grew up in the pueblos in New Mexico and absorbed the culture there since I was young. I have believed in spirits, spirit animals, divination, herbs, and spell-casting, since I was about 4, more so once I understood it all more completely. But recently I've moved to the near opposite side of the world, where they have a different culture. They have similar beliefs and some core concepts and I see them, but is ultimately different. I have been unable to accept this particular culture and miss New Mexico and the Native American culture very much.
I love reading and have bought several books involving New Age and Occult and various other religions that appealed to me. Yet none of them seemed to quite fit right. It seems as though every religion I've studied under has had some aspect that I just can't dedicate myself to, or is missing something that I find essential. I often feel that I need some higher being to look to, and I do believe that there is something out there, or someone, or more than one. I know that I am not Monotheist, I believe that there is more than one person/thing out there running things, so I've never been interested in Christianity or and division of it. [Also being told repeatedly that I am the Devil's Child and that I am going to hell has put a damper on Christianity and it's followers. This is also why I don't let certain Christian friends of mine know I practice certain aspects of Pagan Wicca or Druid beliefs or practices.]
Basically I want to find a religion or practice that I know I can be happy with and that will help me through the things I'm going through. I know a few questions I have in mind, but I'm not entirely sure what made me want to write you. I've just been searching for guidance spiritually, and so far, found none. My parent’s beliefs are too different for them to understand. [They find most of my beliefs "bull-s***", “hooey”, and "stupid". I no longer tell them of my practices or beliefs if I can avoid it. They don’t believe I will go to hell or anything, as far as I know, but they dislike it anyways. My father wouldn’t even allow me to have a picture with fire as my desktop. I could tell what he was thinking as he told me to change it. I only got 2 words clearly though “spell” and “hell”. I said I would change it, I just got back on the computer, and he has changed it FOR me. I apparently couldn’t be trusted to do it myself.]
I am NOT just a teenager rebelling. I really believe what I believe, while my parents say it’s just a stage and to get over it. But I know I won’t and never will. I'm sorry this letter is so long, and I'll get to the point now. These are some of my questions. Some I have answers for and I just would like to know your opinion, because I've read your book and hold your opinion in high regard.
2. Are there any good spells to help with Depression? [I have clinical Depression and Somatic Disorder and was wondering if there was anything I could do. I don’t really want to be on meds…unless it’s my last hope and helps.]
3. How can I test if I have spiritual or psychic abilities? [I believe I can sense spirits, auras, and other people’s thoughts. I also have been proven to have been able to foresee things, dreams, premonitions, just sitting and getting a vision, etc. If I’ve had extensive conversations with people on the phone before, I can tell just when they’re about to call, and who is calling.]
It sounds like you have already tested this and it works. Think about training your gift so that it can be useful to you and others. There are many great books out there for training the third eye and psychic senses.
4. I often feel as if there is a large well of energy or power or emotion, or SOMETHING, stowed away inside myself, a calm static. That blocks out anything else that causes me harm. It eventually makes it disappear. It’s hard to explain. It’s as if, once I retreat into the static it takes hold, and protects me from whatever is hurting, and slowly what’s hurting me goes away. [Example: a friend hurt me once, badly, insulted me and my beliefs, in MY house. Calling me horrid names, and resulting in, something I avoid, tears. She leaves and I retreat into my static. Later, she get’s into unexplained conflicts with other friends, who I had nothing to do with, and is left sad and alone. Eventually she left me alone and did not bother me anymore. Once she left my life her bad luck and run with fellows ceased, and she returned to being cute and perfect. Gag. I don’t know what any of this is. It feels like an involuntary thing. I NEVER wished harm upon her, just for her to leave me alone, and understand how I felt. Suddenly, within days, she did. Stuff like this happens a lot. I seem to empathize and understand peoples hidden emotions easily, also making them understand MY hidden emotions and thoughts without saying or acting anything.]
Well, here I would have to tell you that as powerful as this seems, I do not endorse this kind of silent energy. One of the most magickal things we have are our feelings and our words. I might also include our tears. As powerful as it may feel to read minds or project thoughts and feelings, I think it's best to SAY WHAT'S ON OUR MIND!!! You could have allowed yourself to cry and let her know how you felt and that she hurt your feelings. Perhaps you could have even become closer friends after talking it through. Or you could have decided to cut her loose. The point is, I discourage this kind of use of the spiritual energy because it can actually drain us and lead us away from our true paths. I think we can trust the karmic cycle to teach all of us lessons. IE: What comes around goes around. I do however like the fact that you seem to have an inate understanding of psychic self defense. That's cool!
Any and all advice you can offer me would be greatly appreciated. Thank you very much for your valuable time to read my, not-so-valuable letter. :)
Thank you again, I really do appreciate it.
Signed, Alma Perdida
Your letter was quite valuable and I'm sure it will be helpful to others and that is why I have chosen to answer it here. I think you are not as lost (perdida) a soul (alma) as you claim. Perhaps more of a searching one :)
In love and light