Dear Lexa,
Thank you.
Months ago, I wrote to you asking for help.
I was pregnant, and my man had left me, screaming obcenities
and threats at me as he went. I was scared that he would make good
on his threat to take my baby; I was scared that I wouldn't be able
to get through the pregnancy and the hard winter alone, and I was
just very sad.
You wrote a kind post, and told me about the Goddess Durga,
and instructed me to perform a chant in her honour, requesting her
aid.
I did as you told me to, and things are much better than
they were. I credit your help and the assistance of Durga with the
improvements in my condition. Thank you.
My beautiful baby girl, Anna Clotilde, is almost two months
old now. She was born on May 29th, at seven thirty in the evening.
She was born healthy and strong.
I got through the hard winter, and my midwives told me that
all the walking I did (I have no car and funds were too tight to
take the bus most of the time-- good food for the baby was my
priority), all the snow shoveling, all the housework and swimming
and yoga, all of that kept Anna moving around in the amniotic
fluid, helping her develop the wonderful muscle tone she was born
with.
Anna takes such pleasure in her own physicality-- it makes
me happy to see my heavy-bodied lonely struggling transformed into
such a good thing. Every one remarks on how strong and solid and
lively she is. Devi the student midwife called her "Superbaby".
I gave birth to Anna at my mother's house. Anna
was born in her grandmother's bathtub. I ran a bath for myself and
had her there just instinctually. My Mum cut the cord, so three
generations of our family's female line were involved in that act.
This was powerful and healing.
My man did not come. Instead, my friend Cass, who provided me
with consistent love and friendship (and a supply of juicy gossip)
through the whole pregnancy was there. While we waited, we watched
movies and took walks and baked and made art and wrote and sewed
things. It was great.
Coming with me to my hometown to stay at my Mum's until the
baby came was the first time Cass had ever left the States. She
said that her month at Mum's fufilled a "seven year dream" she had
had for a real holiday with no work, but one where she wasn't
spending her savings on accomodations or food.
Despite all the trouble my man and my broken heart were
giving me, being pregnant was a tender and powerful time in my
life. Giving birth to Anna was the strongest and best thing I have
ever done. I love my daughter and I love being her mother.
Thank you and Goddess Durga for helping me to appreciate my
power and strength at a time when all I felt was abandoned and
vulnerable and fearful for the well being of my baby.
Anna and I had a powerful birth-- my membranes were ruptured
for three days, then I had over thirty hours of early labour,
through which I gardened and prepared food for the midwives and
organized the birth room, and then five hours of active labour,
well supported by my excellent midwife and her student. I did not
need drugs, and I moved around and made noise as I saw fit. It was
amazing.
E--- told me that he will not try to take Anna from me, and
as that was at the heart of my fears when I consulted you, I thank
you again for helping me to protect my daughter.
He has visted twice, the second time with his parents. Those
visits have been intense and both good and terrible. His Dad got
drunk and refered to me by the name of E---'s ex-girlfriend all
through dinner with my whole family, but hey.
E--- loves his daughter-- he was shocked by his love for her-
- - and he loves me, too, in a twisted up way that hurts me-- and
clearly also him, his family, and my family-- to be near.
I feel an odd and powerful mix of anger and compassion when I
think of him, and I don't know where things will go. He is
volitile, so the situation still seems dangerous, but I am stronger
and clearer more powerful than he is, and Anna was born safely and
she is strong, too. We are a good pair.
His mother has decided that she and her husband need to seek
counseling, which is a good thing, and she is at last urging E---
to seek help as well. She said that Anna "melted her heart", which
is a powerful image. Thank you and Goddess Durga for that shift in
her.
I hadn't realized that in the American South you can say
anything about anyone as long as you tack the phrase "bless his (or
her) little heart" onto the end of what you said.
For example: E---'s mother was shocked that all the gardens
in my mother's neighbourhood were different from one another, as
they have rules against that in her gated community.
She handled my mother's lesbianism better this time, as they
discovered that they both like quilting and other women's
handicrafts-- it was funny to watch them bond-- but she could not
get over the fact that Mum's neighbour, who is a surgeon, has a
clothes line for his laundry.
She's too narrow minded to understand a surgeon with a clothes
line, bless her little heart.
See! It works! I love the "bless his little heart" trick. It is
magic. You get to say what you need to say without being full of
scorn or rage yourself, and you disarm the anger your comment or
opinion might otherwise be greeted with.
E---'s father is a raging drunk, bless his little heart.
It makes you feel good instead of bad--magic. Jesus said to
bless those who curse you, and there are probably many other
sources of this same information-- it does seem to make things flow
in a better direction if you add a blessing.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
As I am trying to figure out how to be a self-supporting
single mother of a newborn, and how I'm going to either convince
school to give me back my scholarship or find a new avenue to go
down to reach my goals, I am short on cash money funds.
All I can give you right now is my gratitude and my
testemonial.
I will do my best to share what I know and can do as generously
as you share your wisdom and skills with those in need.
At some point, I will have enough saved to pay you for a
reading for my new daughter-- as her mother, I would like to know
how to support and help her to do what she needs to do in this
life.
Here, too, are some pictures of my Anna.
Thank you, Lexa Rosean.
Sasha
Dear Sasha
I have not been inspired to post on this blog in months and your heartfelt email has broken the dry spell. So pleased and honored to be of assistance and thrilled with the outcome!
Anna is some looker! (Sorry readers, I don't post pics of newborns on the blog.) And you've given her one of the most powerful and oldest of the goddess names :) She is also born one day after me and as a Gemini, I'm sure she will be creative and a natural born psychic and channeler. I am sending you Anna's astrological chart as a gift (under separate cover) because I am so moved by your letter and life. I hope the charts and interpretations will give you insight into her soul.
It's great to hear about how you are acknowledging and dealing with your anger toward the ones you love. It sounds like right now there is more to hate about E (and his family) than there is to love about him. So it's good you are not together. Hopefully the magic of therapy will turn that around and he'll become a good dad and maybe even great husband. But for now, it sounds like you and Anna are in a great place and I wish you many blessings and continued protection from the Durga.
blessed be
Lexa
