Bothered...

Hello Miss Lexa,

I'm writing to you in hopes of some help with a spell. I've been having a really difficult time at work. I love my job but the company I work for recently downsized and now I'm left carrying a triple load (maybe even more). I'm also low man on the totem pole so everyone has been treating me like (pardon my French) S-H-I-T! I am definitely sick and tired of this abuse and I'd like it to stop. At the same time, I don't want to be too outspoken now because everyone is feeling really nervous and paranoid and I don't want to risk losing my job by blowing a fuse. Still, I really feel I need and deserve some (pardon my Aretha) R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Got anything extremely effective but considerably low key that might help?

ever grateful Harried Harriet

Dear Harriet

I have the perfect remedy. It's called BOSS FIX and it comes from the old Magickal Formulary from the Magickal Childe apothecary which we lovingly refer to as "the Hermanary". It is used to stop harassment from both bosses and co-workers and encourages them to treat the user with dignity, consideration, and the utmost of "Arethaness". It may take a few days to kick in but the effects are 99.9% guaranteed to make you SO DAMN HAPPY at work. Here are the ingredients:

Musk oil
Chili powder
Tobacco
Pulverized newsprint

To prepare, take the front page (sports is also good) of your favorite newspaper (after you've read it) and shred it up in tiny strips. Then add to a coffee grinder or food processor to pulverize. Sprinkle a tablespoon of chili powder or red pepper and a pinch of pipe tobacco or empty the tobacco contents of a cigarette into the mix. Add 3 drops of musk oil and mix thoroughly. Concentrate fully on resolving your problem as you prepare the blend.

Now that you have created your Boss Fix Powder, take it to work. Remember to be discreet. DO NOT BLOW IT IN THE FACES OF YOUR CO-WORKERS! Place it somewhere subtle like under carpets or behind the water cooler or in the bottom of a paperclip box sitting on your desk. Smile. And Sing (or Hum a tune quietly). Rescue Me, I Say a Little Prayer, I Will Survive, and Respect are all good choices. Good Luck Harriet!